Is it ok to settle or wait for Mr./Ms. Right?

First let me give my definition of Mr./Ms. Right. This person should be the one who makes you happy, is there for you in the good times and bad, is not judgemental, respects you for who you are and is supportive of your choices (nothing illegal or detrimental to either party), whether or not they themselves would make them. This is the person who in your view would make a good parent and is some one you would look forward to growing old with. Most of all, someone who you can trust and depend on always. This is some one whose company you are proud to be in regardless of their looks or status in life. This person most of all should be some one who you chose to be with, not because your biological clock is ticking, or you want some one to take care of you or because all your friends are married/getting married and you feel left out.

Do I think it's ok to settle? No I don't! I have read articles where people are for settling with reasons as, at least you have a spouse and or children, or he helps with the children. yes, that may be so but does this person really make you happy? Can you really shed your inhibitions with this person? I strongly believe in being happy and sharing intimacy with my partner and if I can't have that, then, I'd rather be alone. At least that's my choice which I've freely acted on. I have to be happy with myself and who I am before I can share myself with another human being. It can't be that I rely on another person to make me happy. You see it's that confidence about you that attracts the right person to you. "You are what you attract."

Love is not a fantasy, neither is it superficial as some may think, it's real and it's reciprocal. It's not one sided or about one person loving the other more or less than their partner. It's about giving of one's self to the other. Otherwise one person would be un happy or unfulfilled.

We all want to feel loved and be happy, I think settling is selling one's self short. We are in fact saying that we don't love and appreciate our self enough and as such settle for some one who is at least "nice" as long as we can say we have a partner, then that's enough.

We are free to change our criteria at any time and that is good, because life is about change. The person who we were ten years ago is not the person we are today, our ideals change, our goals change and even our perspective on life itself changes. We love and appreciate ourself more as well as are more tolerant of others. That's all about growth and maturity and that's part of our socialisation and development. At the end of the day, the person who we choose for a life partner should not be because we want to settle but because we can be happy with this person. Let me interject here to say that being content is not being happy, these are two different type of feelings, one more stronger than the other.

We need to put aside the superficial and focus on what we really want. The question is, what are you looking for in a life partner?

The fact that one's criteria may change now does not necessarily mean that they're settling, but it may be that the previous criteria was more superficial and having matured, there's now a different perspective.

At the end of the day, it's who makes us happy or in some cases contented, hence, wanting Mr./Ms. Right is neither a fantasy nor farfetched, what matters is the type of person we want to share our life with.

The person who ten years ago was a geek who you would never date, is ten years later a jovial fun loving person who now has your interest. Maybe then, because of how he looked you wouldn't date him or it could be that over the years he has mellowed into a more fun loving person. Would that be settling, I don't think so, as both individuals have matured and have new perspectives on life.

Settling is more of compromising one's standards just to fulfil their want's/desires. One's self esteem would be questioned here too. Being jealous of others because they have a spouse and seem happy is not a good reason to settle down with some one. Settling will lend itself to cheating when some time later the ideal turns up.
There is a difference between changing our criteria and settling. Settling says we are not happy with ourselves and we don't have much self esteem or confidence. Changing our criteria says we are happy with ourselves and life in general and with maturity our perspectives may change, however we will not compromise our standards.

I know some one who has been happily married for over forty years, she liked a man who could sing yet her husband could not strike a note. Did she settle, I think not. His ability to sing was just a bonus.

Well, I'm in my early forties and I love myself, I want to be happy with the choice I make in choosing a life partner, hence, I will NOT settle. That person should add to my happiness, not subtract from it and I certainly don't intend to be just contented I want to be happy.

Is there a thin line between love and selfishness?

As women we all want attention, we want to be pampered and feel loved. We want to brag to our friends how the love of our life waits on us hand and foot and will do anything for us. That's all well and good, but love is reciprocal. What do we do in turn for our doting spouse? Wash, cook and clean, sex on our terms and that should be enough? Come on ladies, that's downright selfish! Whether or not we are in a relationship, we still have to wash, cook and clean, well sex is up to you. The man needs to feel special too, he wants to brag to his friends too. Love is not a one way street, it goes both ways and so does the expression of love.
I get it, some will say but men are like that too, want to receive only. That's true, but my point is this, love is reciprocal. It ought not to be only one receiving without even making any effort to give because as much as you may feel "loved" and be bragging about it. You are downright selfish and do not deserve such a partner. Regardless of whether you are the receiving male or female, my point is still the same. The thing about love is, it's pure, it's not selfish nor self seeking. At times we use our own insecurities and poor self esteem to justify love. If one partner is giving their souls to a selfish person under the guise of love, then they have self issues that needs to be dealt with. Just the same if the other partner is taking and expecting more without giving, they too have self issues that need to be addressed and are hiding behind "love." Sure both parties do love, I'm not for once disputing that, what I'm concerned about is the expression of that love.
Unfortunately, there are persons who have never felt loved before, whether as a child from a parent or other relative. They don't know kindness as no one has ever been kind to them. They meet some one who shows them some attention and they are smitten, so what do they do? They give their heart and souls to these users who having not experienced this type of attention just keep taking from them. The other side of it though, is that in some instances, neither party mind as some are givers and some are takers. I can well appreciate that but I'm sure a giver would also want to receive and vice versa. Whether we want to accept it or not, this is more an expression of abuse than love.
Love is a beautiful thing, there is giving and receiving unselfishly. It brings joy and hope, let's not ruin it. Love brings people together, not divide and more than anything else, love conquers all.